Reflections on 2011

2011 has been a very interesting year. Looking at many people’s Facebook statuses, it has been tough. Many significant historical events have happened that will influence the future. Now I am thinking about how my life fits into it all. I personally would call this year a year of transition. Thinking back, last January I was taking Play Productions class, playing gotcha, and attempting to finish my Honors Project. I was preparing for my student teaching in China, and I was waiting to hear if I had gotten the job in South Africa. Now these events seem so far away. I honestly do not think about any of them except for student teaching in China. These activities and events seemed so important to me at the time, but I actually had to stop and consciously try to remember what I was doing a year ago. This is a good reminder that the trials that I am currently facing, such as the stresses of being a first year teacher and learning how to live internationally, will soon pass.

As I said earlier, this is a year of transitions. I transitioned from being a college student taking classes to a student teacher to being a first year teacher. I transitioned from the US to China back to the US and lastly back to China. Even though I had been legally an adult for 4-5 years (depending on what part of the year you are looking at), this year I took many steps to becoming a “real” adult. I graduated from college, got my first job, moved to China, and got my first place “on my own” (well sorta, I do have a roommate). These transitions have been relatively easy compared to the transition from one community to another. Graduating from college meant that I left a part of childhood behind, but it also meant leaving my family behind. My college friends are so important to me, and I know that it is hard to keep up with everyone, but it is sad for me to think that we will no longer have Inklings meetings or spend Friday and Saturday nights playing truth. I know that I am in a new community and there are wonderful memories that I will be making here, but change, no matter how good it is, is always hard.

As I look back, settling into my college community was not always easy. My freshman year, there were plenty of Friday and Saturday nights when I sat alone in my room. I generally do not mind alone. In fact coming from a family of six, I generally relish that time. However, when you are in transition, being alone is more difficult. On the other hand, if I spent every second with other people, that would not solve the problem either because I need to learn to be comfortable in a situation, before I can really appreciate either. This is not to say that I am uncomfortable, I am just trying to find my place. I am trying to figure out what it means to be a “real” adult. I am trying to figure out how to be a successful teacher (more on that later). I am trying to figure out how to live internationally. I am trying to figure out how to maintain good relationships with people on the other side of the world without cutting off or discounting relationships here (and vice versa). I am trying to figure out how to let go of relationships that were important to me for a season. I am trying to figure out how to build relationships in a new community. Basically, I have a lot to figure out.

When I graduated from college, I felt like I had a good handle on life. I had wonderful friends/family, I had a job lined up, and I knew what I was going to do with my life. Now I am realizing that I had absolutely no clue. In fact, I am realizing so many things about myself. When you are thrown into a new situation (even if you chose to throw yourself there), you become an exaggerated version of yourself. In this new form, insecurities that you did not realize that you still had sneak out without your permission. In this way, transition is a rather difficult emotional experience. 

As promised earlier, I also want to reflect on my first semester of teaching. I arrived in china the day before school started. I hit the ground running, and the whole semester felt like I was running marathon. Most of the time, it felt like I was sprinting to catch up. I have learned a lot this semester, and mostly I have learned that I have a lot to learn. I have learned that you really need to be tougher at the beginning of the school year. I have been told several times that I am not going to ruin any of my students, but I want to be like some of my high school teachers who inspired me to love literature and to become a teacher. I guess in my idealistic sense I thought that I could do that my first year. Now I am realizing that keeping my head above water is a much better goal (Sorry for mixing metaphors, I suppose I should say something like: my goal should be jogging at a leisurely pace. However, in mind, jogging at any pace sounds like torture. “I only run so that I can eat whatever I want whenever I want.”) Anyways, I made many teaching mistakes my first semester, but I have enjoyed teaching. I have loved building relationships with students, and it is wonderful to see a student learn and be successful. I do not have it figured out, but I have, at least in my own humble opinion, grown as a teacher this year.

Now, I feel like you do not have a very well-rounded view of my time here. Transition is tough, but things are going well. (I keep thinking about Dr. Wilkes’ classes: Innocence, Experience, Reintegration *draw a colorful spiral on the board.) I am enjoying my new life, and I have made wonderful new friends. This has become a home, but it is still freshman year; I am looking forward to being an upperclassman.

Now that I have reflected and droned on and about transition, I suppose that I should come up with a few goals for the next year.

1. I will write more. I want to write at least one blog post a month. I want to write in my prayer journal at least a couple times a week. I want to go to writer’s corner at least 3 times a month. I want to edit my honors project and take some steps towards getting published (even though I am not entirely sure that it is worthy of being published).
2. I want to improve my Chinese. I want to be able to have an actual conversation with someone in Chinese. Something more than I want to go to the store and something less complicated than religious/philosophical/political conversation. Even if it is just a minute long, I would be happy.
3. I want to stay more on top of my school work. I am not sure that I have a concrete task to tie with this goal, but I do not want to spend my second semester feeling like I will drown.

My Crazy Adventures in Korea

Yes, Crazy is how I would describe the past few days. Do not get me wrong; I had a fantastic time, but I just about lost my mind. Let’s start at the very beginning. 

Day 1: I got to Incheon fine. Carly was there when I got there, so we hoped on the bus and I headed to Cheonan where Korean Nazarene University is. There is very little to say about the first night.

Day 2: I got up fairly early so that Carly could show me around town as she walked to school. Then I did some exploring on my own. As I was walking, I saw a sign for Independence Hall. Carly had mentioned that I should try to go there. I should point out that she did not tell me that I should try to walk there; she just said that I could go there. Anyways, I decided that I would follow the signs and try to find it. So I walked for a very long time. Not really sure how long I walked, but I never found it. I did get to take some cool pictures though. I am thankful that I was in a city where I could just hop in a Taxi and make it “home.”

I spent the rest of the day “working” on school work. When Carly got home we went to a Korean sit on the floor restaurant, which was pretty neat, and the food was good. 

Day 3: I decided to get acquainted with the Cheonan bus system. Actually, it wasn’t that hard. I got on the bus, got off at the giant flower, got off the bus, got on the next bus, and rode it to the end. At the end of the bus ride was the world’s largest Buddha. Carly told me that Buddhists have seven pilgrimages that they have to make. Apparently, if Buddhist go to this Buddha, they do not have to go on the other pilgrimages. The mountains were beautiful,and I really enjoyed taking pictures. After I was done walking around the temple area, I went into the woods a bit. Then I found some rocks that made a lovely chair for me. There I sat and journaled. It was wonderful. 

When I was done, I took the bus back to the giant flower. I had planned on getting on the bus and going back to KNU, but then I saw some statues, so I followed the trail to an art gallery. I think that Miss. Saxe would be proud of me. At the art gallery, I bought a few postcards and took meandered a bit, looking at the art work.

 When I was done, I went to Starbucks to buy my right-of-passage-mug to tell everyone that I had been to Korea. You see I have to try to catch up to my roommate who has at least half a dozen. After buying the next step to increasing my social status in the international community, I went back to KNU to “work” until Carly got home from work.

For dinner, we went to an Italian restaurant, which was rather good. After dinner, Carly and Matt help me plan my day trip to Seoul.

Day 4: By far my craziest day. I went to Seoul. Alone. Don’t tell my mother. 

I am just kidding. I mean I did go to Seoul alone, but I was perfectly safe except that everything went wrong. 

I got the station to buy my tickets, and all the regular train tickets were sold out. Therefore, I had to buy tickets on the fast train, which were more expensive, and I had to make a transfer. Well, I didn't know where I was supposed to go, and the people at the train station pointed me in the right direction, but I was on the wrong side of the track. Therefore, I missed my first train. I was able to get on a second train, but since I missed my first train, I missed my second train. At the second train station, a train came, and I didn’t know if I was supposed to get on it or not, but a Korean woman on the platform told me to get on it so I did. However, it was the wrong train. Now that sounds like bad news, but another wonderful Korean woman, the stewardess of the train, arranged for me to get off at the next stop so that I could transfer to a train that was going to Seoul. In the end, I made it to Seoul only 20 minutes behind schedule. 

Next I went to an Italian restaurant because Italian is my favorite food, and I was very hungry. I had a Creamy Risotto with various types of shell fish in it. Both of which I love. However, that day it did not agree with me. I had not even finished my meal before I started feeling sick. I left the restaurant and bought some gum because I thought that the mint would settle my stomach a bit. However, what I thought was mint was apple, and it did nothing to help me. I will not go into the gory details of what happened next, but let’s just say it was unpleasant. 

After getting sick, I felt much better, and I am not one to give up, especially after all the trouble, I went through to get there. Onward I went to Geyoungbuk Palace, which I would compare to China’s Forbidden City. It was beautiful, and when I got there, they had some sort of ceremony happening. Men were dressed in colorful robes and they were either playing an instrument or carrying a flag. I am not entirely sure what was happening, but I enjoyed watching it. 

After wondering around the palace taking pictures, I found my way to the Korean Folk Museum, which was next door. I had considered leaving and going to the Korean War Museum, but I am so glad that I stayed. There I spent way too much on an adorable magnet, but it was worth it because the museum was free. I really wish that I had longer to explore the museum because I did not even get to see half of it, and I got to learn so much about Korean history and culture. I can’t really say why I enjoyed it so much, but it was like peeling back the layers of an onion and seeing was underneath what I was currently seeing of Korean Culture.  

I ran out of time at the museum, and I had to run to the subway, which would take me to the train station, which would then take me home. Yes, you read that sentence correctly, assuming that you are still actually reading this incredibly long blog post, but I digress. I RAN to the train station, and I got on the train seconds  before it was about to take off. It was like a scene from a movie except, I couldn’t breathe, and I did not have any water, and I didn’t even know if I was on the right train. Another wonderful Korean person, a man this time, told me that I was on the right train and showed me to my seat. 

TAAAAA DAAAAAAA! I made it to the back to the metro station. The only thing that I had left to do was to get on the metro to go back to KNU. However, that took about 40 minutes even though three metros came while I was waiting. They, however, were not taking any more passengers. My cell phone was dead, so I had no way of telling Carly that I had made it there and back, and I was running at least 15-30 minutes later than I had planned. However, I did know where I was, which is more than I can say for most of the rest of the day.

I finally made it home, and Carly and I went out for Korean food with some of her friends. It was lovely, especially because we topped it off with hot fudge Sundays from McDonalds. 

Day 4: I would say that the rest of my trip was rather uneventful. The next morning Carly was leaving on a trip at 6 in the morning, so I left at the same time that she did to head to the airport. I got to the airport around 9, and I had a lot of time to kill, so I “worked” on some school work. 

I don't need to divulge all the details of my wait at the airport, so I would like to discuss a few observations that I made. 1) I love Korean people. They were so helpful to me, the foreigner, who had no idea what she was doing. They even had free plug adapters at the airport. 2) They have far more western things, restaurants, stores brands etc., but it seemed as though there were far fewer western people. Not sure what this observation means, but I make it nonetheless. 3) I think that most non-Asian westerners look at Asian cultures and see them as being fairly similar. However, I noticed how different Korean and Chinese cultures are. I am not sure that I could pinpoint all the particularities, but I can say that they are very different. 

This whole trip was crazy, eye opening, and relaxing. Now you might ask how on earth was it relaxing, but it was because I spent a lot of time by myself (You see Carly had to work during the day). Don’t get me wrong, I love people, but it was so nice to just explore by myself. Although, if I go to Seoul again, I think that I would like to go with someone who knows the train system better than I do. ;)

Changes in the Air

As you can see by my last post, I posted it a month after I actually wrote it. You see I did not have a VPN, so I was not able to get onto blogger at the time. Therefore, I wrote the post thinking that I would at some point post it.

Looking at the post now, it does not seem so relevant. Not to say that I have figured everything out. I am actually seeing how little I know. On the other hand, I am moving past that content yet unsure stage into finding a sense of belonging, which is great. Now that I am heading that direction, I want my life here to have a deeper sense of purpose. I am not just here for some self-fulfilling grand adventure. (Even though, I must admit that adventure it part of it.)  Anyways, as the weather is changing, I can feel a change in me as well. I am not sure if the one is caused by the other, or if it is just a coincidence based on the natural change in the weather and the natural transition into life in China. I am tired, and now I feel like I am just rambling. This is a short blog post, but I wanted to explain the previous one. . 

My First Blog, which is Long Overdue- August 21, 2011

I have been planning on starting a blog for the past 9 months or so, but I keep on failing miserably.  I will start and maintain this blog (at least that is the plan). If I am not consistent, I hereby give me permission to yell at me, if you even really care.

Ok so, China. I am here. I am safe. I am working on figuring my new life out. There are still so many things that I do not know, but I don’t always know what I don’t know. I suppose now I will give a brief run-down of my life thus far.

Sunday, August 7, 2011- I left for China. I had gotten very little sleep the night before because I was trying to make sure that I properly said good-bye to everyone, and I was terrified that I would forget something incredibly important.  That day was the longest most exhausting day. All three of my flights were delayed, which in reality was a good thing because it meant that I did not miss my flights, but it meant that I did not get to my new home until 12:15 am Tuesday, August 9.

Even through the first few days were crazy, I am slowly but surely getting into somewhat of a routine. Even though we haven’t gotten too far into the content of the classes, I think that they will be fun to teach. I am looking forward to this not being my first year because I am really tired of not knowing what I am doing. I have had to actually ask for help, which is not something that I do not like to do, but I know that it is certainly for the better.

People keep on asking me how I am settling in and how I am adjusting, and I really don’t know. I really cannot pinpoint what I am feeling/thinking right now. I am not, not adjusting or settling. However, can I really know if I am settling well? I keep on wondering how long it will take me for this to me my home. I mean I am comfortable here, but at what point does it become my home and not just some place where I am comfortable staying? So if you ask me how I feel or how I am settling in, I really won’t know how to answer. I can say that I am content, but I am looking forward to being more than just content. While contentment is a pleasant emotion, it just seems too mediocre.